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Thoughts about loss

I haven’t spoken to anyone about this (even though I probably should've), but my
mind never thought it was that important.

On a Sunday my mother decided that we should go out to eat (like any other
dysfunctional family would after 3 months of doing absolutely nothing together).
We went to this small restaurant in the south part of town; I don’t remember the
name but it was nice. We ordered, food came and we started eating. After a couple
of minutes my mom started feeling dizzy, so she asked my dad to drive her home.
I thought nothing of it (still worried, of course), but it could have just been
the heat's fault, it was pretty hot after all. Everything changed after my mom
started spasming out. All I remember was me screaming and the fear I felt inside
of me that I would lose someone so close to my heart.

My mother was fine. The ambulance came and they took her to the hospital and did
some tests. She was in the hospital for 2 days, and I refused to see her, not
wanting to see her in that state again.

The fear of death has rampaged in my mind for as long as I can remember, but never
my own death. The thought of someone so close to me leaving me forever has always
been terrifying to me and probably to you too but for me it would always pop in
and out of my mind at random. It’s not like people in my close circle or family
have had any serious, life-threatening medical problems ever for me to think about
their death so much, but it always came to mind.

I don’t know how it all stopped (the thoughts); one day it all just went away,
that constant reminder of death and loss was just gone and I finally felt a bit of
peace in my mind.

It was like a balloon popped and all was fine, but when a balloon pops, it always
leaves remnants. They may be small and unnoticeable, but one day you will see them
again and you will be reminded of that balloon.

I still think of that day and it haunts me, my own little balloon. I sometimes
ask myself if it's just me or if it's a universal experience. So, I wanted to
ask you: What is your balloon?

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